Recently, Lux and I have been working on sleeping without a bottle.
She's always nursed to sleep those days when I was breastfeeding, and when she moved on to the bottle, we continued letting her suck to sleep. It's one of the best parts of the day for me, when i get to hold my little active mover, and snuggle her as she drifts off to sleep.
Now that she's hit one, our doc encouraged us to start getting her off the bottle to sleep.
I didn't want to do that.
I love the time that I get in the rocking chair with Lux, Naps her monkey, blanket, and her bottle.
I started giving it a try though.
She was not happy.
For her naps, we read some books and then i brought her to the rocking chair.
She looked at me expectedly waiting for the bottle to be brought to her mouth.
When it didn't, she started to cry.
and i mean, CRY.
She wanted the comfort of the bottle.
Wanted what was familiar to her.
But i wouldn't give it, so she kept crying.
I held her, trying to snuggle, as she's wriggling around demanding her bottle.
Finally, i placed her in her crib frustrated, and she cried wanting that security of the bottle.
I left, listening to those cries, wishing that I was enough.
I tried again, picked her up, and tried to hug her to sleep.
Still not having it.
I was kinda heartbroken, realizing that I wasn't enough for Lux to stop crying.
I wasn't the one she wanted, she wanted the bottle, even though I was the source that the bottle came from.
"I'm here, Lux."
Still not enough.
I listened to her cry herself to sleep that day, and my heart was broken as i thought about her desire for something that wasn't me.
Made me think about my relationship with God.
So often, we can desire our own "bottles."
Something that we long for, find comfort in, or desire more than God.
We might insist that we're not idolizing, or choosing something over God, but in reality, those things are hindering that relationship with God.
how often do we say, "nah, you're just not enough for me, God?"
It struck me.
I wanted so badly to be what comforts Lux.
Just my hug, my hold, my touch.
It drove me nuts that I wasn't enough to comfort Lux.
She didn't want just me.
How do we make God feel when we choose anything or everything other than Him to hold us, comfort us, or love us?
How often do we break His heart by crying out in our times of needs and turning to anything other than Him?
Yet, He's always there.
A constant presence.
He sees us, knows us, even created us...
Why wouldn't we allow Him to be enough for us?
(p.s. Lux learned super quickly. we now snuggle and read two books before she goes to sleep in my arms. Win win...i get to snuggle with her even without a bottle. So thankful. Mommy's touch is enough for Lux.)